Funky Mood

I'm in a bit of a funk today. I don't usually use my blog for real journaling, but after a long walk on the beach and sorting through all these thoughts racing through my mind, I figured why not. Our departure date is nearing. I realized during my walk that I'm feeling conflicted about it which explains in part my funk. I'm so excited to go home. I miss my family, my friends, my home. I miss jumping into the car and driving to what now seems like a plethora of fun kid friendly options of ways to spend an afternoon. But, home as I know it will be different with this experience. I like change, but always with moments of thinking ahead to what it will be like and how we'll adjust.

This morning I woke up feeling trapped. I know, I know, who wants to listen to me who gets to sit by the beach complain about feeling bored and antsy. For the most part, when I have these moments of feeling isolated, I quickly remind myself of what an amazing opportunity this is, how fortunate I am to get this time and get over it and move on. But today, I just couldn't shake it.

I think as I get closer to returning home, I almost feel more homesick and more frustrated with the parts of life here that have been challenging. During my walk, I felt so joyous when a woman and I exchanged a smile and bonjour when passing eachother. Usually, when I walk by myself I look around every now and then to make sure noone's following me. The beach here is fairly isolated and even in the states we need to take precautions, but I feel like there are more eyes on me here. As much as Seattle gets a negative rap for being superficially friendly, I miss the smiles and hellos with strangers. In Morocco, I learn to look straight ahead and not make eye contact while at the same time continuing to be amazed at how people have no qualms about staring and following you with their eyes. For the most part, I haven't felt too bothered, but lately these little things have been weighing me down more than usual.

While I have these frustrations, as I mentioned above, I also feel so lucky to be spending this time with my family. Part of the lesson for me here is enjoying moments as I live them rather than thinking to the past or jumping to the future. Time moves so quickly, and as cliched as it sounds, you never know what the future holds making it all the more important to take advantage of the present. Also, because this voyage has been full of ups and downs, especially with a strong-willed toddler in tow, I've learned the importance of taking things lightly. Sometimes I become so wrapped up in my little world here and appreciate the time I've had to actually stop, think, process and then time moves on.

Ahh, I do feel better now getting these thoughts off my chest. Writing has always helped and it's a curious thing to know there's folks reading my words.

On another note, Younis had his second haircut, this one thanks to Imad. I was a little skeptical at first of how it would turn out but was thoroughly impressed with the end result.